


The Only Reasonable Course of Action

by EdosianOrchids901



Series: Plain Simple Prompts [3]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Julian is upset, M/M, POV First Person, POV Julian Bashir, Post Our Man Bashir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 06:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15504771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Dialogue prompt: "Why did you spare me?"





	The Only Reasonable Course of Action

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series of ficlets based on dialogue prompts from Tumblr. Written 12/17.

“Why did you spare me?”

The question, although softly spoken, sounded near deafening after the long silence. Hours had passed since either of us had said a word, both simply retreating to separate corners to process all that had happened. 

Letting out a long breath, I finally looked at Garak. Even though I’d long since treated him, my eyes automatically drifted to the spot where my bullet had torn through his neck ridge. My bullet…

“What do you mean?” I questioned, voice coming out thin and strained. 

Elim pursed his lips, looking strangely annoyed. After a moment, he pushed upright and came to sit beside me on the couch. Those keen, attentive eyes studied me, and then he repeated his inquiry. “Why did you spare me?”

“Maybe I really did mean to kill you,” I deflected. 

He shook his head, eyes narrowing. “No, I don’t believe you did. And, if you’ll forgive my lack of humility, I am an excellent judge of when people are genuinely attempting to end my life. I’m also an excellent judge of you, my dear. If killing me was truly your intention, I think I’d have noticed.”

I shrugged, attempting to busy myself with my padd in the hopes that he would go away. I was still far too upset to have a rational conversation about this.

Garak, however, wasn’t ready to give up. “It was immensely foolish of you not to kill me, you know. Wounding me wasn’t a guarantee at all! Even with an admittedly painful injury, it would have been quite easy for me to call for the door regardless.”

Trying my best to ignore him, I began to scroll through a medical supply inventory. Okay, there were a few things I needed to requisition. At least that would distract me for a little while.

“Julian, are you listening to me?” A hand touched my arm, and I shook it off. “I’m quite serious about this. You should have killed me.”

“What does it matter?” I snapped. 

That earned me an eye roll and a harshly condescending tone. “It matters because that’s the sort of thing that will get you killed in the real world! A real spy doesn’t have the luxury of sentiment. You can’t spare someone who’s a threat simply because you care about them. You must be decisive, ruthless–” 

“I don’t want to be a spy!” I yelled, distressed. “I don’t wanna think about threats, ruthlessness, or killing anyone!”

Garak stood, and I abruptly realized that I was on my feet as well, my heart racing, hands shaking. He took a step closer, almost reached out, and then apparently thought better of it. 

I stared at him, desperately struggling to put this overwhelming avalanche of feelings into a coherent sentence. “I don’t wanna think about killing someone I love,” I whispered, voice breaking. “I don’t wanna hear that I should have killed you. I love you.”

His eyes filled with a combination of guilt and sadness, and he gently took my hands in his. “I apologize, Julian. I love you too, and I am, of course, glad you didn’t kill me. But I don’t want to see you make a mistake that could cost you your life. You’re far too precious to me.”

I swallowed hard, trying not to cry. “Normally, I welcome your advice. But not right now. I can’t do this right now, Elim. I’m too upset about hurting you at all.”

He inclined his head, and then coaxed me back to the couch. “I understand, my dear. I’ll abide by your wishes. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Still intensely disturbed, I curled up tight against his side. “Just hold me,” I whispered, resting my head on his shoulder and breathing in his scent. Calm down, Julian. Everything’s okay, Garak’s fine. 

But even as he wrapped his arm around me and began to hum a quiet, soothing song… I couldn’t chase away the memories. Of the acute panic in my chest as I squeezed the trigger, of his cry of pain, of blood trickling down his neck. 

I suspected the anguish of this day would never fully leave me. But for now, I could feel Garak’s chest rising with each breath, could savor the sensation of his fingers combing through my hair in tender strokes. For now, that would have to be enough.


End file.
